I guess you could call me an angry person. Lately I have felt that my life has lacked a lot of control so I have been trying to gain it back in little ways. I have begun a weight loss journey started a new job and been focusing more on my relationship. Well today that relationship ended, I was not the one who walked away but she was. She is still unsure if she wants to actually leave but I have prepared myself to accept that it may be true. Often in life it is hard to take rejection and this time it is not easy. I thought I had a future with her but that may be coming to end. We live in an apartment that neither of us can afford alone so we may be stuck here together for awhile, I have decided to start taking time to write and work on myself so that I can grow and be a better version of myself.
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I have a fear of commitment, i am very aware that this has influenced a lot of the large decisions in my life. Recently I started looking for a house near my old hometown. The question is rent or purchase? There are so many pros and cons of buying or renting but the real question is do I want to be stuck somewhere for 10 plus years? In a small town rentals are hard enough to find there are more houses for sale than for rent. Day to Day I have no decison made and I need to make this decision soon so I can be prepared.
I did not grow up heavy, I have always been fairly thin without trying to hard. Having a large bust made me look thicker by I have always wore a size 0-3 in pants without trying hard. In highschool I played sports so I was toned very well and ate whatever I want. When I went to college I stopped actively exercising and started to gain weight. It was very slow so I did not really notice until I was about 50 pounds heavier.
I recently decided to seriously commit to becoming healthier. Over the last 3 months I have lost 20 pounds just by changing my eating style. It was not easy, I had a lot of binge days, where I would hate myself for doing so. I have slowley stopped doing this and my day to day eating has gotten better.
Example Yesterday Breakfast Yogurt and mangos Snack Latte and a Banana Lunch Chickent and tomato Sandwich Dinner Ceasar salad with chocken Almost everyday people ask me, what is your plan? Do you go to school? What is your major? Being 20 means having to have a goal, a plan something in mind. I am a business major well on my way to my bachelors. In love with my Nikon camera and a barista. Often I get lost in all these questions worried about what I am going to become who I am going to be. This blog will be that discovery, finding my passions, becoming who I am going to be. |